The game I play
by Eos-hime
Summary: You? Do you want to play now, not eventually? Those words broke him – or maybe Akira face did that, eyes that were unable to see. Hikru no longer wanted to face those called Pro's. As for Sai – that one loved the game and... Hika/Aki at some point of time
1. Chapter 1

**You? Do you want to play now, not eventually? **Those words broke him – or maybe Akira face did that, eyes that were unable to see. Hikru no longer wanted to face those called Pro's. As for Sai – that one loved the game and... the boy, he didn't need that world which hurt the boy.

**The game I play**

**Chapter 1**

**It starts – once more.**

Seventeen years old Hikaru sat before the Goban playing Sai in their everyday match – after so many years he was still amazed. Sai hand was the strongest of all – no matter who they played on internet or in Salon's.

"I have nothing." declared Hikaru

"Thank you for the game." ghost smiled at Hikaru "You should play more on your own in Salons."

"I'm fine. Playing the real you is best of all." boy cleared the Goban and sat on his bed "Tomorrow we will visit that Korean Salon."

"For real? Hikaru you're the best!" overreacting ghost jumped on the idea

"Yeah, for real." said Hikaru and covered himself with a cover "Good night Sai"

"Rest well." Sai sat right beside the bed, looking at boy now was painful – Sai knew that Hikaru still was suffering for lost of the rival. That boy who couldn't see anything that was under him. For Hikaru sake they played in distance from Go World... on Internet in random stores and under false names in Salon's – recently customers even started to call him just Sensei which made things easier. And above all they could play each other – Sai was happy, as a teacher he could once more regain what he lost. "Reaching Hand of God. - wasn't my real dream – is a result of this. Someday Hikaru will find true rival and then... I will see it."

If we were to decide – what is Hand of God? Sai wandered over it many times and so did Shindou Hikaru. That absolute hand – perhaps that was a different one for everyone... it was just hard to reach.

Hand of God was a gift from God himself for those who could see by each other hearts...

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Hikaru logged in and picked another player from the list, Sai liked playing so much that matter of power wasn't important at all. Hikaru realized it as well – weak player isn't a person to be left behind. There was a reason in calling someone a Sensei – when you bare a title, you should response to your duties in proper way. Above all who said that you cannot learn from them too – in fact Hikaru learnt a lot, about mistakes... and about how to use them to gain a profit which is not impossible if can read very far in the game.

"Sai... there is an Event in Institute" Hikaru placed the stone and waited for opponent move "That man will play there... do you want to go?" their rival just logged off and they could leave the store.

"Hikaru?" Sai asked shocked

"I bet they forgot about me, I even look different" he put his long hairs up and made them to look just like Sai's "I guess it maybe safe for me to go."

"Thank you Hikaru" Sai was serious this time, no playing around – well that was the case if it was about that man.

"You see Touya-sensei as your rival... I know this – and I'm sorry that I cannot give you a game with him"

"I know Hikaru and I will never ask this much." Sai stood beside his vessel "What you do know is ..."

"No, not at all – but I simply cannot stand it – their attitude of being the best. Perhaps I judging then in the wrong way – it's just, I cannot think in any other way. He didn't see, not at all – when I was so serious, for the first time in my life." Hikaru voice was blank as he was saying this, Sai knew why. Only Sai knew that Hikaru heart froze that day for anyone else than Sai. "I'm the game I play – that is true, but game level isn't to by judged by us."

"Since we are all the same, non of us found it."

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Hikaru and Sai entered Institute building, that feeling was rather strange – presence of Go was higher than in any other place. Young and old people had the same smell – kifu and wood.

"Hmm... I guess that we can find you someone to play with. We can ask an Insei – but you must control yourself a bit. Winning is fine, but don't go all out." said Hikaru, his eyes landed on two boy's "No, those are Pro's – they got in some time ago."

"I remember. That older one was top Insei for a long time, Isumi-san – isn't that right Hikaru?"

"Yeah, other one is Waya-san." Hikaru smiled as he spotted unknown face of boy who sat lonely near to the exit "I'm sorry, are you an Insei?" boy was about sixteen years old and looked rather unhappy.

"Yes... I guess." said boy "If you take second class as one..."

"Will you play me?" Hikaru smiled at the boy, Sai did the same. "_I want to play!_"

"Sure, but you could ask someone better than me..." with little hesitation boy stood up

"No." Hikaru looked at Sai who nodded "I want to play with you."

"Okay..." boy sadness decreased a little "I'm Haruka." once they entered hall with prepared Goban's boy looked at Hikaru "And you are?

"I would like to stay unknown." stated Hikaru "If that is fine with you."

"Okay... Are you amateur?"

"I? No, I play for some time now." Hikaru knew the reason of this question "I wish to have fair game with you... We will nigiri and komi is 5.5"

"Nigiri then." boy looked at his rival eyes, it hit him – that look in his eyes, usually seen in pro's

"I'm black. Good luck!" Hikaru bowed and looked at Sai "Sai, play..."

The boy lacked something, not skills those he had for sure – that what he lacked was trust to his own hand. I this match Sai challenged him many times...

"Who are you?" asked Insei "The way you play... but you are not a Pro."

"No." Hikaru placed one more stone

"I have nothing." boy lowered his head

"Thank you for the game." Hikaru placed his hand on boy head "What you lack is trust to yourself, nothing more or less."

"What?"

"Who is your master?" Hikaru was biting his lip, boy needed help – with a little push he could became very good player.

"I play with many, but I left my study session awhile ago. I was trouble my uncle since I wasn't progressing at all... they looked down on me."

"I'm asking who?"

"Touya-sensei... but actually I have never played him."

"I see... so you know of Akira." in this moment boy for the first time saw emotions in other eyes, that was sadness and hurt "You are the same as me then..."

"Someone like you." boy looked at the board " Would catch his attention for sure, so we aren't the same."

"'_I will never show before you again_' and '_You? Do you want to play now, not eventually_?' that is what he told me." Hikaru stood up "If you want we may talk about the game in other place later... I must watch His match."

"I don't understand you."

"Then I will tell you more clearly." Hikaru faced other boy, his words were silent so no one else wouldn't hear "I hate this world, which is nothing more than disgrace for Go itself. I hate to admit that I wanted to be here too... but I love Go – I love it so much, that I came here to see Him play. The one that my Sensei see as rival."

"Disgrace?" boy was angry, but somehow that look in other one eyes was stopping him

"Yes, I realize what it is to be a stronger... and I have come to realize what it means to be a Sensei. I must look at every student that will come to me, judge him and teach as long as he himself say 'it's enough'. Matter of power have no meaning in it... what I must see is determination – it hurts so much when someone you admire cannot see that. I know that the best." Hikaru looked at Goban "They see only those whose power on the board is greater – they are living only to beat that person..." Hikaru hands massed up the game as he lowered his head "I know that I'm misjudging... I realize that fact. Even so I'm unable to think in different manner."

"You... you faced this world before." Haruka let his hands rest on Hikaru's "Who are you?"

"It's starting..." Hikaru could see determination in Haruka eyes, the same as before from Akira "It's starting... shall I try once more, Sai?"

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Review


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! It's me again... I'm sorry for such late update, not anly in this one story – but term is almost over and I must pass my exams at University (and before I must do well on finally classes - smaller exams- so I could participate in true Exams). Anyway I'm in mess...**

**Thanks for all reviews **

Regarding Questions from** Crystal Snowflakes **( You weren't rude – It's my duty to clear all misunderstanding that I'm leaving in the story. Apart from that reviews exist also for asking questions)

Why is Sai still here? - That's is 'cos he never played with Touya-sensei, his mission isn't ended yet.

What happened between Akira and Hikaru? - Well I hopped that I pointed at it by writing last words that Akira said to Hikaru right before Internet Store. They spoke to each other last time there (in my story). In my story Hikaru was hurt by Akira words far more than in anime. (rest will be told in this chapter).

Why is Hikaru so bitter? - That day he felt horrible I mean emagine that person that you like looked at you like Akira did back then. What's more He is angry at Akira that he didn't saw his determination (that is regarding their third board match).

Regarding Hikaru act's towards Sai – they will be explained better in this chapter.

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**Chapter 2**

**HIkaru student**

Haruka looked at older boy who sat with head on the Goban... it was as if he was remembering something, young Insei didn't knew what was that, but he was sure of one thing – that memories were not pleasant at all. That one was incredible player – and yet he hated Pro World, Haruka wanted to know why.

„Did someone hurt you so badly? Someone stabled your heart... but we are not like that – most of us aren't like that." Haruka wanted to reach other heart _"I'm not like that" _

There was no answer Hikaru just rose his head to face Sai – with eyes full of pain.

**Flashback**

On that day – when he spoke with Touya for the last time - when he starved to hear 'come after me'... that day he resigned 'cos what he heard was rather different.

He stopped coming to the Internet Store that Mitani recommended. He stayed in his room – always alone still hearing Touya words, still seeing his eyes...

„You are not alone" Sai spoke back then, even when he knew that Hikaru won't respond „I will stay by your side – no matter what."

„You don't have any choice – you would prefer Him, if you would have any choice in that matter." Hikaru still haven't looked at Sai

„No." it was when Hikaru felt that Sai was right before him, ghost hands slowly rose to rest on boy shoulders „Never speak like that again – I would have chosen you any number of times – I can see when you are serious, I know that you were back then."

„I was not good" stated Hikaru

„Don't compare yourself with him at this point of time. That boy played since he was 2 and you – you just started." Sai let his hand slip down to cover Hikaru trembling hands „Some day we will... no you will reach Hand of God – you."

„Sai" Hikaru words were silent „It hurt, his eyes pierced me... it hurt that he couldn't see me at all."

„ I know – I'm sorry." ghost said sadly „ I know that this is my foult."

„No, Sai... you just want to play." Hikaru relaxed a little „God let you stay so you could play."

„Sometimes I think that there was one more reason to it than just that." old ghost looked at the boy, it was then when he realized that if it was for this Boy he would resign even from Go. That child was born to play and yet there was no one who would support him – Hikaru had only Sai. „You will reach It" he repeated once more „I know that – since that was my dream and God put you on my way. My dream will be realized by you.. so even if I cannot force you I would like you to play."

In Sai eyes Hikaru could see his own reflection, from that day – they walked this path... endless path in Go so the could – so one day they could...

**End of the Flashback **

Hikaru snap out from his memory – his eyes were still linked with Sai's, old ghost smiled at his vessel. Ever since that day when Sai supported him they were taking step by step... and with each game...

"Are you all right?" Hikaru heard Haruka voice "You look pale."

"No, I'm fine." Hikaru looked at the boy "You don't have a master now, have you?

"No." Haruka picked stones that were scattered on the board and put them back "I don't."

"If that would be fine with you – I can teach you." Hikaru wandered why he said that, maybe that boy resembled himself. Sai observed them with gentle smile, he knew that this will help Hikaru overcome that what happened in the past and maybe help him in taking the right path.

With that they headed to main hall where Touya Koyo was to play, his game itself was strong, but as usual Hikaru could see that he was missing something

"_You are right Hikaru._" said Sai "_That man is missing the core of this game – Go is the game for two players..."_

"_He is starving for rival _–_ for person stronger than him who would pull him even higher than he is now."_ Hikaru whispered to ghost "_Too bad for him."_

"_Maybe someday..."_

"_Yeah, maybe."_ Hikaru looked at his new student _"With Haruka help."_

"_Regarding Haruka._" Sai placed hand on Hikaru shoulder _"You do see resemblance to that man, don't you?"_

"_Well, I do – but I'm not afraid of that."_

"_Ogata Haruka... he really needs our help."_

"_I'm ready, not to reveal myself, but I can at least try to support that kid."_ Hikaru said slowly "_He doesn't have you, so his way is clouded and unsure. I will clear it – show him the goal..._ **Hand of God**" the last three words slipped from his mouth out loud. Haruka froze on his chair, those three words were breathtaking.

**During that time in Touya's household**

Akira sat before his Goban recreating a game, he bit his lip in wonder

"No matter how I look at it, even now He would be stronger than me." his finger's scattered the stones across the board with anger "But then during that competition as third board's."

Akira lied on his back. Yes, he still remembered that day when mysterious boy came to the Salon and that day when he dragged him for a rematch. Those two games were Akira best ones – even father wasn't that strong.

"His eyes back then were blank... he was playing so good without concentrating at all" Akira mumbled "I want to play him once more. That Shindou from first game."

Akira never shown this but he missed... he wanted to see the other boy on the other side of Goban.

"Shindou Hikaru... where are you?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Are you Sai?**

Time was passing slowly, day by day Hikaru played with Sai and Haruka. Haruka was a good student – given attention he would return it in best way, which is improvement. Right now they played at Hikaru home.

"This room have a strange atmosphere." said Haruka "Not bad, but... as if here Go was different than at Institute. As if Go itself ruled over here... how should I say it – as if for you each game had the same strong meaning."

"It is." said Hikaru "But that is 'cos each game is different – that is the game which is created by two players who meet before one Goban. In this room... that moment is treasured the most, each game I play have great meaning for me, from each I'm learning more about Go."

"When I'm not here – who plays with you?" younger one asked the question which was bothering him all along "I saw those games on the board when I was coming in and kifu's."

"My teacher."

"Teacher?"

"Yeah, the one who had shown me the game... his goal became mine." Hikaru eyes focused on Sai who sat near to him "For me, he is the beast player that was ever born." ghost pale face flushed a bit "He came to me, so we could reach Hand of God."

Haruka sat in silence, once again he got a feeling that they aren't alone in that room. That was very tender presence, soft and caring for Hikaru, fierce for any opponent and... regal as God of Go.

There was another matter as well he never saw that Teacher, not even once – and games were still on the board when he was coming in.

But Haruka had decided one thing when Hikaru accepted him three months ago – that he would never ask, it seamed that Hikaru past was a burden on him and his Teacher was part of it. "I have to be at Institute in one hour, so I would like to talk about the game later on Hikaru-sensei."

"I see, your rank rose in last three months." his eyes focused on boy instead of board "You will be informed about Young Lion Tournament."

"If you told me that three months ago I wouldn't believe, I managed to rise to first class – what's more I'm sixteen." Haruka smiled "Uncle called me last night and asked to visit him."

"Ogata-sensei did?" Hikaru bit his lip "He is going to ask you to join study session again." stated Hikaru "Now, you are worth of an effort."

Haruka didn't respond, maybe part of him indeed hoped to return – with Hikaru he couldn't even give the name of his Teacher. Hikaru just looked at him for a while and then when boy was about to say something.

"No need to." he said softly "You may do whatever you want Haruka. I'm aware that you should have a Master with title and known name." he stood up and picked keys to his motorbike "I'll give you a lift." Haruka eyes sparkled on that, he loved it -to ride fast with his young Teacher... he loved to be buried in his scent...

Sai looked at Hikaru "_I will stay in your room_."

Hikaru nodded and left along with Haruka.

**Before the Go Institute**

Haruka bowed slightly "Thank you. Now, I have some spare time." he smiled "I will be coming for another lesson tomorrow."

"I hope so." Hikaru parked his motorbike to chat for a while "I used to you." he looked at Institute "I'm proud that you grew so much."

"Haruka! Haruka!" Boy a bit older than Haruka shouted

"Fuku!" Haruka smiled at young pro

"Are you here for Tournament meeting? I heard that you rose up a great deal." Fuku praised "I hope that you will do well and join us in Pro-world soon."

Haruka blushed "Thank you. Fuku 1-dan"

"No need for being so formal. Who is he?" asked boy

"Umm... ano." Haruka blushed harder

"I'm Haruka friend." said Hikaru "It's pleasure to meet you Fuku 1-dan" Hikaru said in calm manner "I'm going back."

"Yes." Haruka bowed down forgetting that Fuku is looking "I'll be sure call you today, Sensei."

"Haruka." Hikaru drove away fast, but deep inside he was happy, Haruka didn't feel ashamed that his Master was so young and unknown. "Thank you, Haruka." he whispered softly

Haruka stepped on stairs with new confidence, he knew that Fuku 1-dan will be interested in what he saw... but he was ready to deal with it – to protect his Master name and at the same time not act as if Hikaru was just some he knew. "I don't care what happened in the past, all I want is to play with you – so we could reach It together." Fuku heard that faint whisper

"Your Master isn't fond of Pro-World, is he?" Fuku decided to handle this carefully "I mean if he was then he would be one of us." seeing Haruka face he continued "He lead you to first class, then he must be a good teacher and must know much about Go."

"Indeed, as you said – my Master isn't fond of our world, but he loves Go itself..." Fuku froze 'cos of Haruka intense voice "He loves Go far more then any us, more than any Pro."

"Hmm..." Fuku bit his lip, that was serious matter, everyone knew that Haruka uncle was Ogata-sensei, that this boy was until recently part of Touya-sensei study group. "You mean..."

"He is stronger than Touya-sensei, I'm sure that he is. His love for Go is more intense." Haruka blushed "His words are hitting me, the way he care for every player... He said that each player can reach Hand of God."

"Hand of God..." Fuku found himself wondering if that could be the truth, but he too sensed something strange about that stranger. _"Are you Sai?" _


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey:), I'm giving thanks to all who read and review my story. I also hope that my future work will be at least good:)

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**Chapter 4**

**Play Me, now!**

Sixteen top Insei and equal number of best young Pros in one room – they were informed of rules and day of Tournament. Haruka watched around and smiled as he heard whispers.

"That's Ogata-sensei relative I'm telling you." one of Insei's talked to Pro "He just got to first class and very soon reached top sixteen."

"You forgot to mention that firstly I was lowest of second class for a long time." Haruka said out loud remembering how others made fun of him.

"Everyone has worst day's." Fuku sat beside him "What's most important is your position now."

"Maybe, but I didn't attain it thanks to Ogata-pro or others." Haruka spoke in cold voice, much more colder they he usually would say it 'cos someone just entered – and that was no one else than Ogata-pro.

"Haruka." man was looking at the boy "You are being disrespectful to Touya-sensei who kept you in his Study Group for a long time."

"Right now, those three month gave me more than all others with top pros of our world." boy spoke in very polite manner, remembering that talking rudely would disgrace his Sensei "I didn't mean to disrespectful toward Him, Sensei thinks highly of Touya-sensei. After all I came to met my Sensei 'cos of Touya-pro match." Haruka bowed his head slightly "Also if you didn't cast me away I wouldn't go to Him."

"Haruka!" Ogata rose his voice "Stop with the games, none of Pros took you in, so apparently you were studding alone."

"I wasn't. I just didn't went to Pro. " Haruka stood up "There are good players out side too."

"Whatever." Ogata decided to leave that topic "From today on you are back to Touya Study Group." other looked at Haruka with envy, but boy face seamed to be unreadable.

"He was right then. Sensei said me that you would ask me." Haruka looked into Ogata eyes "What do you think I am?"

"What?" asked Ogata

"I'm not some garbage that you can throw away and then just pick up, when you find it usable." Haruka rose his hand to his heart "I found Him. My Master... person who will reach Hand of God. He said that I can attain It too."

"Are you saying that you found someone stronger than Master Touya?" Ogata laughed "Stupid." man looked closely at Haruka eyes and stood frozen "What?"

"I'm serious, I won't go back – never." boy who three month ago could voice his opinion was so confident, Ogata was shocked. Boy took his eyes off Ogata "I should go. I must study more... Master shown so many of my weaknesses today." Haruka bit his lip "Fuku-san."

"Yes?" young pro smiled

"I was wondering if I can see any of Honnibo kifu's here?" boy asked "I must look into something." Haruka decided to check if his suspicions were possible. _'Hikaru uses a lot of his moves, but there is something I must make sure of.' _

"Sure." Fuku stood up as well "Let me show you." 1-dan bowed respectful to Ogata and departed with boy who didn't even looked back.

**In Kifu Room**

"That was quite rude." Fuku looked at Haruka "But I guess I can understand you. Your choice is to stay with that stranger."

"Sensei is not a stranger to me." Haruka said, but in many points that was a lie. He did visit Hikaru home, knew Net-nick... Sai. He knew more than anyone, but "I know much of Him and I will know more and more."

"I would like to play Him." Fuku put some of kifu's on the table

"Play?" Haruka looked other way "I cannot say if he agree or not, but I'm quite sure that he won't do this. Not, as you would knew that it's him."

"_As I suspected, Sai!"_ Fuku mind erupted _"I saw Sai, spoke with him and now I talking to his one and only student!" _

"Is something the matter?" asked Insei, who looked at Kifu "I'm sorry to disappoint you."

"_No, not at all."_ Fuku smiled at idea that came to his mind "Just thinking, my nick on net is **SpeedGO, **just tell him that." with that Fuku left.

"Hopefully, he won't ask anymore. But why did he put a request like that?" Haruka returned to kifu's.

Next day on usual time Haruka stood by Hikaru door.

"So, you came." Hikaru leaded boy to his room "I must say that I'm glad."

"Uncle did as you said." Haruka sat before the Goban "But I'm not a garbage that they can throw away and then pick up."

Hikaru watched the boy who seamed to have something to say. Sai whispered into his host ear _'That kid will stay with us, that's good. I see a lot of potential in him, he also can sense me from time to time."_ Sai smiled _"He loves you Hikaru."_

"_Sai!"_ Hikaru blinked

"_Thanks to that he will never leave you."_ Sai gaze returned to Hikaru _"I think its good." _

"Ano... Sensei?" Haruka asked with concern

"I said it's fine to call me Hikaru in this room."

"Yes, I'm sorry. I did receive invitation, but I refused." said Haruka "I wish to stay with you." Hikaru smiled, knowing that Sai was right – in fact he wasn't shocked, Haruka did shown him his affection – maybe deep in Hikaru heart was a hope that he would grow to love this boy too.

"I'm happy by that." stated clearly Hikaru "I wish for you to became my equal."

"So you wouldn't need Him." Haruka shivered "I will do my best. I will!" _'Touya Akira doesn't deserve you. In this room, just like now... I wish it to continue forever.'_

"Play me, now." Hikaru smiled _"ME."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi:) Thank you for reading this far.

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**Chapter 5 **

**Hand that was hidden**

Hikaru looked at his student with calm face, that covered emotions that he had, he just decided how will he play this time. _'Sai?' _he asked in his mind_ 'Do you mind?'_

_'Not at all, Hikaru. In fact he was left out for far too long.' _Sai words had happy tone in them, ghost was quite happy since it was some time since Hikaru played on his own with opponent different them Him '_Have fun kids.'_

_'Sai, I'm not a kid any more!' _Hikaru words were floating to Sai mind with laugher_ 'But you are right, I want to know if he is able to see a difference.'_

Haruka smiled as he ended setting up his handicap stones 'Please, give me your guardiance'

'Please.' Hikaru bowed as well and waited for his student first move and the game had started.

Pachi!

Pachi!

Stones hit the board firmly, Hikaru noticed interest on his student face and asked "Is there something wrong?" another of his white stones hit the board

"Well, I just notice that moves you had made... are not quite like yours." Haruka looked at the board with interested face "But, its not weak – just different."

"Huh?" Hikaru frowned a little

"Not, much Sensei – just a little bit." Haruka eyes snapped open "As if... kami-sama, as if..." he looked at his Master with shining eyes "As if it was a hand to defeat that you are usually using."

Hikaru smiled softly _'Sai, he can see it – my desire to be your equal.' _but to Haruka he just said "That may be true, but for now I want to see how far you can go with a Hand I created to play Sai."

Game continued with many shocked looks from Haruka – but eventual all moves – 'bad' moves that Hikaru made turned out to be useful.

"I have nothing." Haruka bowed his head and then snapped out – all questions that he stopped after hearing Hikaru declaration of battle, he had to ask them now. "Tell me... why did you you say – created to play Sai?"

"Why? 'Cos that's true." Hikaru looked at the game and said "It's still far from done. I cannot beat Sai hand with that."

"Sai hand?" Haruka knew name mentioned by his Master, it was nick that He used to play in internet, that made him remember "Ano, I don't quitew understand but I guess that asking for more would bother you." Hikaru nodded "So, I won't ask. I have a message to pass down."

Hikaru smiled at boy decided face, he knew of boy oath to himself – that he will never ask of Hikaru past. "Message? From who?"

"I don't know why, but Fuku-san aked me to pass it down to you." said Haruka slowly "That his nick on net is SpeedGo and that he would be pleased to play with you."

"I see." Hikaru bit his lip "Did you told him my name?"

"No, I promised I would never reveal that." Haruka assured "He was speaking about how I made progress and that you must be a splendid teacher and player yourself to take me so far in such a short time."

"So, that's what what happened." Hikaru nodded "Well, its fine. I guess that we couldn't avoid this. You will contact him and say that I will take a that match, but only if he will keep our relation as a secret."

"Why?" that question left Haruk lips sooner than he was able to think, now he blushed hard

"Are you thinking that I'm ashamed of you, Haruka?" Hikaru moved so now he had his hands on boy shoulders "I'm not. You are my only student." Hikaru forehead linked with Harukas and boy felt that he is blushing even harder.

"Sensei?" he asked unsure

"Please, don't think like that. I know of pain that unwanted has. Don't think that bad of me." his eyes became darker "I'm not him. I won't cut myself from person who wish to go with me by the same never-ending road."

Haruka shivered, his strong Master just by one word became so fragile, as if he was to break. _'Hikaru.' _Sai came to them and rested his head on Hikaru back. Haruka felt something, strong presence that came close to hold Master, he wondered what was that '_No, not what – but who?_'

That new idea lingered in Haruka mind, but for now he smiled and whispered "I'm sorry." to his master who still was near to him, so near that boy could feel his scent – similar to kifu paper.

Few minutes later slightly blushing Hikaru moved aside and tried to compose himself "And with that my cool image got blown away" he tried to joke "I'm sorry."

"No." Haruka eyes looked straight into Hikarus "I am a fault here, I should never doubt in you, even for a second." his voice was serious and sad "I mean you took me as I was a bottom Insei, when others kept me 'cos of my uncle position."

"You see. When I heard from Him that He won't look at me, when I felt deepness of His anger and sensed that He doesn't need me. He was ashamed that He wanted to play with me." Hikaru looked at Haruka "I... for a moment my world collapsed, if it wasn't for Sai I would never be the way I am." ghost hid his flushing face behind his fan.

"Sai?"

"It's time for you to know, that my usual – hand, as you called it, is one that presents my Master teachings. The other is one that I created to be his equal... but I still have a long way to go." Hikaru looked at boy with trust and hope "My Master is named Sai, he won't play openly anyone accept of me."

"I see, but he wanted to reach It." Haruka said "So, you are... playing for him." Haruka loked at his Teacher as if he saw him for the first time "Unreal, I had never see anyone who can cope Go like that and to give up this much." Hikaru blinked "I mean, you use His Go all the time, so you must be hurt... by not using your own hand."

Sai laughed from the bottom of his heart. He thanked God for sending this boy to open Hikaru eyes.

"I'm not hurt. I can play Sai by my Go"

"Can't you see?" Haruka moved his fingers by the Goban "Can't you feel? If I wasn't able to play my Go..." boy face became serious "I would die."

Hikaru shocked face moved Sai to the core "Die?"


	6. Chapter 6

That was hard to write, but hope you like it:)

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**Chapter 6**

**My name is...**

Hikaru was searching for something in his kifu collection, he wanted to study Shuusaku matches with Haruka. He picked chosen box and hid the rest. He knew that if anyone saw it – his collection... most of those were Sai games, recorded with great care, some were games from his past – games that were never recorded officially. How would he explein this – that would be far more than dealing Sai pursuers.

'_Sai, we won't play today. I would like to study yours games.'_ Hikaru smiled at the ghost _'That will help him. That Tournament will be important for him.'_

_'Sure, He plays in it as well, isn't He? Last time I would say.'_ Sai looked at Hikaru with interest

'_Yeah, he must be thinking that it will be easy win for him.'_ Hikaru hands hold onto desk _'Well, he isn't wrong – Haruka is not a threat to him jet. I hadn't had enough time.'_

_'You can never know what will happen – there are many talented Pros and Insei.'_ said Sai

With those words on mind Hikaru had given a lesson to his student. Haruka noticed that some of kifus are more valuable then they would seam, but he didn't comment – his lack of knowledge about Hikaru Master explained everything... in his eyes those were materials to study from that mystery-man and he – Haruka was in no possition to ask. Instead he should be grateful – for a chance to learn from them.

"Haruka, do you know what is most important in Go?" Hikaru started to clean kifus

"Most important?" Haruka bit his lip "Hard question."

"Understanding – not only flow of the stones, but your opponent and yourself. Game of Go may be to entertain; to prove; to calm or start the flame of anger... Goban for centuries converted those feeling that are core of a human:love, friendship, anger, revenge, pain, hate. All of them you can see in the flow of the stones." Hikaru looked at Sai face "Go is more then a game. You are putting your feelings for other person on this wooden board – stones are always shaped by your will to fight."

"Sensei?" Haruka noticed sadness in his teacher voice

"When I played him, why couldn't he see feelings converted in my stones? He said: Don't play games with me! - I was serious, I truly was... he was just looking for something I couldn't have back then." Hikaru looked at Haruka with concern "I want you to try to understand every player, they may not have a power – but feelings are always the same and so is their wish to face you on the Goban."

Soft moonlight light up Sai face as he looked at Hikaru, Haruka wondered what truly happened between his Master and Touya Akira.

Next day Haruka had to abandon such worthless thinking, since he had many matches to win – yes, to win! He wanted to win, so much that his desire was higher than cold reasoning. Win for the sake of his Master and also to prove himself that he can take Touya Akira place in Hikaru life. His first opponent was a 2-dan, named Honda.

When Haruka was starting his game Hikaru was right before Institute entrance, he ddecided to give his student a little gift – his presence on such important day, his support. Hikaru was unsure what he will do if someone recognizes him, but – to encourage his student he decided to try out his luck.

"I shall show you my power. It's an extremely small power, but when I combined it with yours,

it became a large power.*" mumbled Hikaru while stepping on the stairs "Without living any holes, we pile our finger on each other… One by one, hand by hand, let us join together.*"

"_Hikaru? What's up?_" asked Sai "_You act a bit strange._"

"_It's nothing – I'm a bit scared. Just that._" Hikaru smiled "_Funny, isn't it? Person who see ghost is afraid of livings."_

Sai didn't respond, he just watched his host with worried face – that was true, Hikaru was afraid, but of what. Only the two of them knew his real fear – Haruka had no idea... Slowly they entered in the lobby Hikaru notice sellers and went to check things "_Sai, this fan, fourth from the right – it's looking just like yours." _Hikaru laughed and soon he was going up to see if any results were up, in his hand were two fans.

As he entered the Tuornament Hall most of first round games were ended already, in this sea of people he couldn't see Haruka – so he went deeper to find his student before next game starts. Out of a sudden he felt that something, no someone brushed him slightly, fans hit the floor...

"I'm sorry." said other boy with silent voice, he bowed and wanted to pick fans, but Hikaru also attempted to do that, so in a second their hands brushed once more. "I didn't mean any harm. I hope that those aren't broken?" Touya Akira eyes looked at Hikaru.

**Flashbacks**

There was a voice that filled the space, voice that only one boy could hear

_"I finally found someone!"_

and also a boy who didn't knew what that voice was

"Is that you grandpa? Come on out...

and finally girl that couldn't hear and run.

"I going out! Quit playing this Hikaru!"

That voice spoke to gods,

_"The gods before me, I thank you. I will now once again... return to the living world."_

and to boy.

_"If your kind heart can see the tears I shared, will you give me the shelter in your heart?"_

_******************************  
_

There were tears that ghost shared as boy hold the stone for the first time and boy who came across Hikaru path.

"I'm Touya Akira, what's your name?"

"Shindou Hikaru, 6- th grade."

"I'm in 6-th grade too. How strong are you?" I will never forget sparkle in his eye, feeling that he might found his rival.

"Umm... I'm not sure." I was so stupid, Honninbo Shuusaku was unknown to me so I didn't knew "I think I pretty strong though

"You are not sure, but you think you are strong. Then why don't you place 4 or 5 stones as a handicap?"

"I don't need anything like that. We are the same age." I said it back then, but it was a lie, Sai played that game, not me – age had nothing to do with that. I had no power against...

"I'm Touya Akira. What is your name?" it just started with that – but what came after were tears, firt his and then mine.

**End of the flashback.**

"No, I'm sure that everything will be all right." said Hikaru as they stood up _"What's up? Why are you not screaming that you don't want to see me?"_

"I'm sorry." said boy once more and moved, Hikaru froze and didn't dare to move "Hope you will enjoy the Tournament."

"Touya..." with last glance Hikaru linked with Akira eyes uninterested or perhaps he forgotten, how different they were from ones that looked at him all those years ago. _"How dare you? Don't you remember me?"_ but anger that was with those unspoken words fade away to make a place for pain. Hikaru greatest fear seamed to can as reality – Akira didn't even remembered him.

But, it wasn't like that, Akira heart also skipped a beat – that man with who he just met was looking like Hikaru _"It cannot be him, why would he be on this Tournament?" _but he didn't dared to ask, since he wouldn't know what to say to Hikaru.

"Haruka!" Hikaru finally notice known figure and went to see his student but in his mind there was still Akira uncaring eyes that engraved one last hope and that was to find a rival in Him.

"Sensei!" Haruka beamed and left few Insei kids that he was talking with "I wasn't expecting you."

"Should I go out?" asked Hikaru playfully hand him his gift

"No, I glad that you came." Haruka took fan and opened it "Thank you." Haruka laughed, happiness filled him to the core, but not 'cos of the gift, but 'cos of Hikaru presence that proved how much he was worth to Sensei.

"Sensei?" whisper filled Hall – someone that young Ogata call his Sensei, who may that person be. Most of present people knew of quarrel that young one had with his uncle. "Sensei?"

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***That phrase is a part of the song – to be more accurate Ending for Night Wizard.**

**I hope that you like this little story and I hope to get more reviews :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone:) I hope that you will like it... and guess what – I got a beta this time, great thanks to **Maculation** for checking on my story.**

**Chapter 7**

**The way you play**

Hikaru entered the small room – to be more exact, Fuku dragged him there. Young Pro came to them and claimed that several observers had become interested in Hikaru, as they were about to find out very soon. To avoid questions Hikaru left the Hall with Fuku and Haruka promised to deal with others.

"Care to say why someone like you would hide?" asked Fuku "It's not like you would get hurt if they knew..."

"Me?" Hikaru looked over at him sadly "My worries of being exposed as Sai aren't that great. Well sure, I love to be left alone and Sai wouldn't, but I have other reasons to leave too."

"What would that be?" Fuku looked at him with great interest. "I must say you have me fascinated here. Great player like you... didn't exactly come to Us."

"I'm not that great." Hikaru bit his lip

"Yeah, sure." Fuku smirked "Looks like you're a not very talkative one."

"Well, if I was, we wouldn't be here, would we?" Hikaru smirked as well "I hate to have others prying into my matters, but if you have to know – I don't wish to be dragged back into this world. Once I wanted to be like you – but he..." Hikaru stopped speaking and sat down "My heart couldn't reach the one I had chosen as my rival. My Go didn't reach him." From that point Hikaru didn't speak, instead he listened to Haruka as he tried to solve their problem.

Haruka had an idea, since he was still going to school and missed a lot because of Insei class...

"I don't understand the commotion." Haruka said carefully "Why are you all acting so strange – my tutor came to watch my game, did I do something wrong?"

"Tutor?" One of Inseis asked "Your Go Tutor?" The room tensed, sudden changes in Haruka's Go was already a fond topic of gossips and his unknown Teacher was too.

"Unlike you I still go to school. Hikaru has just graduated from High School." said Haruka and it was partly truth, since Hikaru often helped him out "I had to hire a tutor for school work so I would manage with all those days that I'm missing, that's why I asked him to tutor me. That's all." He looked around "Don't look at him as if he was some Go-ghost or something. I don't want my Teacher to think that I belong to some strange world."

Everyone looked at him with understanding, until someone asked "If that's so, then why did he leave with Fuku shodan?" Tension rose once more, everyone waiting anxiously for the answer.

"They've met before and wanted to talk." Haruka said simply and smiled –_ well that's true _"Sensei is very interested in history – he's reading a lot about Go. He hasn't decided on a University course yet... so he just reads a lot to find what he wants do in the future."

Haruka observed other faces, and he noticed that they were at least partially convinced by his words. He decided to leave and tell Hikaru about this situation, so He would know what to say if he were confronted.

During that time Akira was out. He was out dealing with his own worries.

"Shindo." Akira stood alone in one of dark corridors "Could that really be you? I know those eyes, that tense air around you, but for what reason would you come? Are you still playing Go? What can I tell you?" Akira was nervous but unsure if he was nervous over Hikaru's return or nervous over what Hikaru may say to him. Which was why he didn't ask if man in that room was Hikaru. He had no courage to do so, he was afraid that other may hate him now – or maybe even not remember...

Hikaru laughed at Haruka "So, now I'm your Teacher for school matters?"

"I didn't know what to say, since you don't want them to know of your Go. So I believed that you would agree to this little lie, encourage it even. After all you do actually help me out from time to time with school work, so it's not really an untruth." Haruka paused, seaming unsure "If you..."

"No, it's all right. I'm grateful that you lied about that. I truly would love to be hidden a bit more, but I'm sure that some of them weren't convinced they should believe in your words. I guess it will give us a bit more time, a bit more time to be at peace." Hikaru words slowly died out as doors opened and other man entered

"I guess we should return." Fuku smiled, pulling Haruka by a shoulder "Sensei, are you willing to go with us?"

"I guess, I must see my student win." Hikaru smiled at Haruka "I came, so don't disappoint me." he said playfully

"I won't." the boy said, his voice hard as if he didn't think of loosing as an option "I will show you, my Go... my Go isn't inferior to His." Fuku and the Hikaru tensed a bit, but Haruka had already turned away.

"_Don't pressure him too much._" Sai played with his fan "_Soon, as he's a Pro he will have many chances to play Touya, there is no need to win today."_

"_I know Sai, I realize that Haruka at his current level won't beat Akira – and he knows that too. But this game, they have to play this game."_ Hikaru slowly started to walk toward the doors "_You see Sai, Akira may not remember now, but if he was to see Go that crushed him long ago... Your Go that shines strongly in Haruka moves."_

"_You want him to remember."_ Sai put his hand on Hikaru shoulder _"You feel bitter towards him, since he didn't call on the past today."_

"_I don't want anything._" Hikaru said petulantly, biting his lip so hard that he could taste the blood in his mouth. _"And I don't need anything from him... I want just to prove that you don't need to be Touya Akira or Pro to play good Go. That's all – there is nothing more."_

"_If you say so." _Sai covered his face behind the fan _"You should probably rinse your mouth."_

Hikaru did so and went off to see his young student play. His performance was great – after all he had a reason to play... Hikaru knew that boy had been very bitter toward Akira, more than he himself.

Deep inside his heart Hikaru wandered if he should have been here – surely nothing good could come of this...

"_Sai?"_ Hikaru left as he realized that his student won the place in semi-finals, he needed to rest somewhere away from the whispers and odd looks... as expected, the others appeared to find it hard to believe that he wasn't Haruka's Go-teacher, but on the other hand they couldn't believe that he – an outsider could teach an Insei. "_Do they know?"_

"_They know nothing Hikaru – they just suspect that you are teaching Go – some of them may think that you are Sai."_ The ghost was speaking with calm face _"But they will never say so, since if they said you were the NetGo legend... at such young age, when not being a Pro or even an Insei. That would disgrace them."_

"_True."_ Hikaru let the wind rush by his face "_They are people that never think of those who are below."_

"_Hikaru you are being unfair."_ said the ghost

"_But it's true."_ Hikaru closed his eyes and sat on the stairs_ "That's the only truth I know. Go to him Sai, I want to be alone for a bit."_

"_Hikaru, the boy cannot see me – the one he wants to be with is you._" said Sai but he obeyed _"Don't let it bother you. You changed Hikaru, from that kid I and Touya-kun met...You have became a man."_

"_Is that you way of telling me that I should get myself a job?" _joked Hikaru, but Sai knew that boy was just trying to avoid this talk.

"_No, I simply want to say that he doesn't have to recognize you. Or perhaps he was afraid of seeing you."_ with those words Sai left

"Yeah, sure..."mumbled Hikaru _"_Go and say that's only my imagination." but even though he said that he was shivering. The discomfort of events hit him hard and he indeed wanted Akira to remember him – no matter what he said, he wanted that – but apparently he didn't. That was hard on Hikaru pride. "I would love to forget as well – then it won't hurt..." but Kami, even if heard that wish, decided to leave it be.

Hikaru went inside as he checked the time – hopefully the games should be over by now – and the final should start soon, in last rays of dying sun Hikaru laughed bitterly "Let's see shocked faces, there's never been an Insei ranked as sixteen that has got to the finals before, but then again we haven't had time to get higher rank."

And that was the truth, Haruka – an Insei that was in the second class just three moths ago made it so far. Obviously the quick growth in ranks had them all wondering just who his teacher may be and what secrets he held. But, Hikaru knew better, Haruka was good player before, on that day when Sai played the boy he had shown great potential and skill.

"You did well." said Hikaru as he stood beside the boy "Don't push yourself too far in this last game."

"I can do this." whispered Haruka "I know I can. I made it, this far... I will..."

"Yes, you made it. You've made me proud." said Hikaru in quiet voice, so no one else could hear. "Play the best you can, but don't forget what is important."

**Flashback**

"I want you to remember that you don't have to win. There is no need, they will be shocked by your performance regardless – of that I'm sure. To draw the attention you will need in the future you must just play. Sai's student will get more attention than any other – and by your games you will be marked. We don't have to say that you are Sai's chosen one, they will assume that." Hikaru was placing stones on the board "Look, that's the game I played with Touya Akira on the day we first met."

"You are black." said Haruka "Was that a game with komi or not?"

"I didn't know of the Komi rule back then and we didn't state if it was or not... that was the first game I played." Hikaru looked at his hands "Or rather first I played in Sai's name."

"Hikaru?" Haruka looked at his Master and asked "For Touya it was as if you won, wasn't it?"

"Yes and he came to me once more and he was crushed once more by Sai's hand. The game wasn't equal, Sai wanted was to cut off the head of the proverbial snake." Hikaru played with a black stone "Our third game was a bit different. I wished to play him with my own Go."

"You played with your other hand..." said Haruka "It's very strong hand too."

"Now it is, but all those years ago it was a hand of a child or at least it seemed that way to Touya." Hikaru's eyes held a sad look as he reminisced. "I played him – I was serious, but he couldn't see that, nor could he see the power hidden in me. Only Sai could..."

"In my case, only you could see."

Hikaru smiled. "You don't have to win, all you must do is play to the best of your abilities. If you play the best you can, I will be proud no matter the outcome."

**End of the flashback**

"The best I can." Haruka said out loud "As I promised."

"Yeah, that's right – you made a promise." Hikaru responded "And I will witness it."

"_And I will too" _said Sai _"The game that Hikaru wanted to give you Touya-kun, this kid will play it."_

"_What is that feeling?" _Akira shivered and looked at his opponent _"I felt it before"_

"Guide me in this game." said Haruka thinking of Hikaru "Let's have a good game" he said with bowing his head

"Give me your guardiance." responded Akira _"I can feel it again. That presence."_

Hikaru stood right behind his pupil and watched, waiting... This game was to complete that which was started years ago. The one game he couldn't play. He had realized that there was a reason for everything he did in those past months, even showing his games with Akira to this boy – so now the boy played for him, knowing both hands (Sai's and Hikaru's, both were visible in him). '_ Sai, did you notice that too?'_

Pachi!

Pachi!

Stones clicked in the silence, Akira looked up from the board to see who stood beside his opponent and he saw calm smile at Hikaru face _"Shindo, you are Shindo, aren't you? But who is this boy? I can see your moves in him."_

Haruka realized that when their eyes met the secret had been exposed, but what hit him first was Akira's face, his eyes pleading for Hikaru to be truly there. "Master came to watch me." he said and placed another stone "You are my Master past and I'm the future."

"Future?" Akira asked "What do you mean?"

"I was thrown away and was taken by him... I will grow and one day." Haruka looked back to see Hikaru's face "One day I will became an equal to my Master. So we could reach It together... the Hand of God."

Akira froze as he saw Hikaru reaction – hand resteing on the boy's shoulders as if he supported the words and wished that they would became the truth.


End file.
